2010 March | Guppydas

Reality vs. Perception

Lately I have been facing a lot of questions pertaining what is reality. Not that I am any expert on that subject but as I like to, I tried to put my mind to at least understand the question.

I have always said, before trying to find an answer, see if you understand the question in the first place.

So on reality, I was pondering for few days. Is it what we believe is reality or what we refuse to believe is reality? I cut my self while preparing some meal. It hurts. That is reality? Or because I believe, since I am cut, it hurts, that is reality?

No I don’t mean to say that if I start believing it won’t hurt even if I am cut, will become reality.

I realized that there is a very fine yet distinct line between what is reality and what is perception. this distinction is that unchangeable border that stops our progress and evolution.

Some examples to be considered.

There are people, and many of them, who lead a miserable life. If you enquire with them, they always someone or something else to blame their misery to. Seldom they take the responsibility of their own affairs. Their reality, is their perception that life is not going to improve for them. Loss of motivation, self esteem and self respect. There is no love for life or gratification of being alive and able. Constantly complaining and doing nothing about making change. Is it real?

There are some other people, very few, who irrespective of the circumstance, have a brilliant smile on their face. They may be suffering from deep pains, emotional or physical, but rarely let it spill out. They bring goodness around. They bring hope to living. Usually this people sooner then later, do succeed in their lives. Very few of them. Where is reality in their world? That pain or the that smile?

This led me to another aspect to think and ponder upon. The ‘power of intent’.

One can make changes, cross that fine definitive line between perception and reality and lead a life which is more fulfilling. The power to change misery in to joy. Power to convert sorrow in to happiness. To convert tears in to laughter. Yet not forgetting the reality, that pain is inevitable. Just like death.

The important aspect here is that of self conciousness. Tricky word this conciousness is. Every time I used this word in my conversation or writing, people suddenly gave a unnecessary intellectual/philosophical ‘high’ importance to the event. Suddenly they start ‘behaving’ differently. Unfortunately so many spiritual teachers and gurus have used this terminology so loosely now that it has lost it’s simple meaning.

The word conciousness once again takes you back to the fine definitive difference between reality and perception. So given the understanding of conciousness, in terms of understanding the reality versus perception, I find it is rather easier to work with ones own conciousness. For a moment, set aside the belief, the knowledge, the education, the opinion and the suggestions from outside, and you will see your own conciousness clearly. You will that distinctive fine line that separates your reality from your own perception.

Once you see this, you will also realise that your perception is also part of your reality. Mind boggling isn’t it? Well I am still working on this concept and also on ‘power of intent’. Someday soon I am sure I will have much clearer picture and much simpler words to express.

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes…(You MUST read them out loud). With all due respect to my Chinese friends. I hope they take this with a pinch of salt. If anyone finds it offending, let me know, I will take it out.

1) That’s not right ……………………………. Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a Fugitive? ………………. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………………… Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ……………………………………… Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse ……………………………….. Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? …………………….. Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table ………….. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift …………………… Chin Tu Fat

9) It’s very dark in here ………………………… Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet …………….. Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone ………………………. No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week …Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight ………………………… Lei Ying Lo

14) He’s cleaning his automobile …………………. Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive …………………. Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great …………………………..Fa Kin Su Pah

Enjoy friends.

What Love really Means

When couples come to me for pre-marital counseling, I sometimes ask: “Why do you want to get married?” Whatever else, they say, they always give me the big reason; and the big reason is always the same. What do they say? “We love each other.” Then I ask a very unfair question: “Tell me, what do you mean by that?” There is silence. Then, one will say, “Oh… you know!”

I guess maybe I do know. I think they are talking about a euphoric emotion that makes them oblivious to reality. They are the happiest they have ever been. What they don’t know is that the euphoric feelings will last for two years and then they must find another foundation for marriage. Wouldn’t it be better to explore that foundation before they get married?

Love is a choice.
What is love? One definition says, “Love is the feeling that you feel when you feel a feeling like you’ve never felt before.” If that is your definition of love, I can tell you, that kind of love will never lead you to a life-long marriage. The euphoric feels are temporary. It is interesting that in Eph. 5:25 husbands are commanded to love their wives. If the intense feelings of love were permanent, why would God command a husband to love his wife?

The fact is, they are not permanent and love is not a feeling, but an attitude, with appropriate behavior. Love is the attitude which says, “I’m married to you, so what can I do to help you? Love is choosing to be kind, and supportive. Is that your attitude?

Love is a way of life.
Most people get married based on love. However their concept of love often focuses on feelings. I read one definition which said, “Love is a four-letter word composed of two consonants, L and V; two vowels, O and E; and two fools, you and me.” There is some truth to that, and fools often make poor decisions.

In the Bible, love is not a euphoric feeling, but a way of life. In Titus chapter two the older women are instructed to teach the young wives to love their husbands. This implies that love can be learned. It is not something that happens to you. It is something you choose. Once you choose to love, then you look for appropriate ways to express it. This kind of love will lead you to a life-long productive marriage.

Love is powerful.
Would you like to know what love looks like in a marriage? Then, turn to I Corinthians chapter 13. Listen to these words: “Love is patient and kind; is not arrogant or rude; it does not insist on it’s own way; it is not resentful; Love does not bring up past failures, but chooses to forgive.” Does this describe your attitude and treatment of your spouse?

This is the kind of love that makes for happy marriages. Love focuses on meeting the needs of the spouse; helping them succeed; listening to their thoughts and feelings. In short, it is giving your life away for your spouse. That is precisely what Christ did for us, and it is what husbands are instructed to do for their wives. Love is powerful.

Love can be learned.
“I don’t love her anymore.” How many times have I heard that in my office! What is that supposed to mean? Usually, it means that he has lost the euphoric feelings he had for her when they got married. And that their differences have emerged and ended in arguments. The fact is, everyone loses the euphoric feelings. They usually last for only two years.

Then, we must learn to love. We must choose to treat each other with respect. We must listen to differences of opinion and try to find a solution. We must learn to work together as a team; using our differences for the benefit of the team. This attitude is commanded by God. To say, “I don’t love her anymore,” is admitting that you are breaking God’s command.

Adapted from The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman’s resources, visit www.5lovelanguages.com.

Wisdom: cometh by age?

One question that has always been on my mind. Does age really bring wisdom?

I don’t know the answer but one thing I have definitely observed is that as one gets older, the need and desperation to have a companion gains a fanatic proportions. This is especially important to observe since the younger generation is also, in more than one way, is desperately trying to find a companion.

So as one grows, should they not become wiser to live with the fact that it is indeed futile to seek that companion? Should one not live with the fact that one who is supposed to be in your life, is already born and soon you will find each other?

Well maybe not. I am sure some armchair intellects will argue with me that unless you seek you won’t find. I think, it’s waste of time seeking the one.

For a moment, imagine the act of seeking the one. Let’s visualise a large stadium, full with people. People on the ground, people in stand and people everywhere. They have gathered to meet the one. The one who is their soul mate, their companion, the One. This is where they will meet them and that is guaranteed. Now when the whistle blows, and all start running around, imagine the chaos it will create. Everyone is running into everyone and colliding, tumbling, tripping over and in reality not reaching anywhere. Eventually out of desperation, settling for whatever they find.

I know it sounds very simplistic and life is much more complex. This very complex nature of life, in fact, makes it the most simple thing to live. At times, in my lectures and trainings, I teach a small prayer to all. “Each day, bring me a surprise and I wills stay surprised for rest of my life. I don’t seek perfection in life, I seek innocent joy that a child has. Let each day be the first day of my childhood. May my innocent child like nature remain so that I will never be bored in life.” This prayer is not to anyone else but it is to yourself. Only you can fulfil this wish of yours.

When you look around, half of the relationship actually do turn into marriage. Out which half of them divorce and either marry again or have another relationship. The other half that does not get married, gets separated and start another relationship. Effectively only 25% (approx) of relationship do end up in marriage. Now out of those 25% how many are truly in love with each other?

The point of this bizarre bold argument is the keyword ‘Wisdom’. I know the matters of heart are not to be judged by rational of wisdom, so I am told. But what I feel is matter of heart is also a matter of wisdom. Wise is the one who has lived the emotions. Do not confuse intelligence with wisdom. A highly educated university professor could be dumber than an illiterate street urchin.

From what I have observed, the emotional maturity does not necessarily come with ageing nor it comes with education. This emotional maturity is what I call as ‘Wisdom’.

Strange enough that in modern times, we have actually lost the meaning of love and affection. Unfortunately the animal sexual urge that one gets is termed as insatiable love. It is just physical/hormonal surge. A chemical reaction in body. I do not say that such feelings should be ignored, what I am saying is this is not it. There is much more beyond this. When people have burnt themselves out, go searching for the ‘Connection’ and end up having a completely messed up life with multiple complex relationship within absurd social rules and eventually jeopardizing lives of one and all.

There are ways of dealing with this but first and most important thing required is openness. Openness encompasses honesty. Honest open mind will then make way for ways of tackling this trivial confusion that occurs in our lives.

Try this, when you really love someone, visualise how you can spend time together. If you end up / start with sex, well then it’s not true love. It’s just another fantasy. On the other hand, you can see everything else but sex, you truly love this person. You can see yourself together watching a nice film , looking at beautiful sunset, travelling in a crowded train, shopping, laughing, going to carnival, fair, circus, trekking, dancing, visiting each others families and everything small and silly. Probably even hugging each other and gentle speck on the cheek. Nothing beyond that. When you visual this, normally, naturally, you are indeed in love with the person. The first sign of love is respect and not lust.

The day more people will understand this, the world will have more wise people and then will prevail joy and happiness on this planet.

Do comment.

Solving Problem

Let me tell you a story. Well thats what I do. Tell stories. Stories, probably you have heard before. Stories maybe new. However, with the story I tell, there is a lesson, a message, not the obvious one, but something specific for you, is attached. Read it carefully and see how you feel.

So the story goes …

–

Lu Ting, drove half the town across to eat at a greek restaurant of Papadopoulus, for simple reason, the owner Papadopoulus made the best tasting fried rice in town. Every time Lu Ting came to the restaurant, Papadopoulus would call his friends to watch something what he found extremely funny. Lu Ting would order, “Flied Lice” please and this made Papadopoulus and his friends fall off laughing.

The Chinese pride could not take this insult anymore. Lu Ting took special diction lessons just to be able to say ‘Fried Rice’ properly.

Comes the day when he proudly walks in to Papadopoulus’s restaurant. Orders ‘Fried Rice please’.

Papadopoulus couldn’t believe this. He asked again, ‘What did you say?’

Lu Ting shouted, ‘You heard what I said, you Gleek Plick’

–

Now a few of you would wonder what this story has to do with the title of the post. Look carefully and you will find.

In our lives we tend to do a quick patch, quick fix to issues that would usually need some long term permanent solution. We may learn to say ‘Fried Rice’ but ignoring the fact that dictions for all other words also need to be changed. There is no point fixing the symptom when the cause remains.

Before it is too late, find the cause, get rid of it and be free. Don’t do a Lu Ting style fix the symptom solution. Fix the problem, remove the cause.

The Psychology Of Condemnation

One more thought provoking discourse from Osho. You may think I am some sort of Osho follower, but I am not. Let me remind, the contents of this site are result of my personal experience. What you are seeing the pure, distilled information presented to you. I took the long journey. Should you choose to join me where I am, follow this shorter paths.

–

Osho

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF CONDEMNATION is cheap psychology, an easy way out. Your “genius” will be proven by it. And there is no cost…. There is no cost at all. There is no need to go anywhere to learn. There is no need for satsang. This is why EVERYONE IS SKILLFUL AT CONDEMNING.

You find people everywhere enjoying the mood of condemnation. Who knows, why did those who numbered the nine rasas, the nine dramatic moods, leave out the mood of condemnation? All the other moods come only now and again, THE MOOD OF CONDEMNATION COMES TO PEOPLE EVERY DAY, FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT. You read the newspaper to enjoy the feeling of condemnation. When someone is being condemned, you immediately cock your ears and start listening. If someone comes and says that the neighbor’s woman has eloped with someone, how attentive you become! Your attention is so focused in that moment that you forget all matters of the world. You start digging, asking, “Say something more, tell what happened next. Elaborate a little, don’t make it so brief. Where were they eloping to, tell the whole story before you go. Sit down and have some tea.” You roll out the red carpet.

WHEREVER YOU NOTICE CONDEMNATION HAPPENING YOU ENJOY. You enjoy because another person is being made small and in his becoming smaller you inwardly experience that, “I am bigger.” This is why if a beggar slips and falls on a banana peel on the street there is not so much enjoyment as when an emperor slips and falls on a banana peel. The heart becomes happy….
If some emperor slips and falls, how happy the mind becomes. When you hear the news that the prime minister or the president has been caught doing some illegal activity, how the joy of condemnation spreads. What’s the point? Why should anyone be concerned with it? If the prime minister has fallen in love with some woman, enough! –as if a very rare incident has occurred. So much interest spreads, people become so eager. This tells only one thing about what is inside you, indicates only one thing, that YOU WERE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO GET CAUGHT, to fall somewhere, for a foot to slip on a banana peel, for him to fall flat. This was your heart’s desire.
This is why people become eager and excited to remove someone from power when he has been in office for four or five years. It is too long, this man must fall. THEN TRIVIAL THINGS ARE BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION AND SPREAD AROUND. And people are ready to believe them.

Have you noticed something strange, IF YOU PRAISE SOMEONE NO ONE IS READY TO LISTEN, NO ONE IS READY TO ACCEPT IT. If you say, “Look at such and such person. He has become a great being.” They will say, “We have seen all these great souls, these mahatmas! There is no great soul, nor has there ever been. It’s all deception. Some trick is happening. Just wait, stop a little, when he is caught you will know. We have seen many falling.”

But if someone says to you that such and such person is stealing, such and such person is deceiving, such and such person has taken a bribe you will never deny it saying, “No-no, how could it be?” You will immediately agree, as if you had already known it. WE HAVE ACCEPTED THAT EXCEPT OURSELVES, PEOPLE ARE ALL BAD. Some have been found out; others have not been found out and will be sometime. But except for us, all people are bad. This is our preconceived belief. Whatever supports our preconceived belief, we agree with immediately….

IT IS CONDEMNATION THAT INFLATES YOUR EGO. This is why people praise very reluctantly — they do it very unwillingly, as if compelled. They do it when there is something to get by praising. This is why superficially they praise, but beneath they are taking revenge….

In the world whenever someone’s downfall happens, people share great comfort, much lightness comes. PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR SOMEONE’S CHARACTER TO BE CORRUPTED. They are greatly supporting it.

To create character is very difficult. To bring dignity to one’s life is difficult, to bring greatness is difficult. BUT IF YOU WANT TO TAKE AWAY SOMEONE’S GREATNESS, IT IS EASY TO SPREAD AND INFLATE RUMORS ABOUT HIM. The more you talk badly of him the more you feel good inside. This is the psychology of condemnation — it is the shadow of ego and the nourishment of ego also.

–OSHO
Death is Divine
(Translation from Hindi)
Ch #7: Wander alone

Interesting read

I suggest those who are visiting and reading my blogs, follow this link and read the blog there.

It is, in more than one way related to Happiness. How greed of few has pushed the majority of humans on this planet to misery.

Changes On this site

I spent some quiet time, looking at the site, reading the content, feeling it. I realised there are few changes needed. Not much on the design aspect but mostly on the collection of topics.

For instance when I started off, building this site, I was sure I could put lots of information on H2O2. When I finally started working on it, I realised most of it is repetitive. Then there was so much information on general health aspect that I didn’t realise. There was no dedicated category for it to go in.

So I am going to do some rehashing of pages and include them under one category called Health Matters. Which will be very broad base information. Would also include H2O2.

Fat Indian Women

… and men too.

Has anyone wondered why India as a nation has so many fat people? Supposed to be a poor developing nation and yet, you find so many fat people. I exempt the older generation but what about those below … let’s say 50? Big hard shelled bellies, flab dangling around arms, legs and hips. Some even have flab around neck and face. Is is just the food? Life style? Negligence? What is it? I know by now, many of you have prepared an answer in back of your mind. You are probably right in your answer. I think differently.

I think it is sheer lack of self love. No body really loves themselves. All are very complacent. Naïve about knowing what is self love. Always neglecting, ignoring, almost running themselves down. Destroying the self. Then wondering why life is not happy?

Why I say this? I observed something. That prompted me to think about it and now I am making this comment. India, we the people of Indian, lack the spirit of living. What was the observation, you may ask. Tell me, have you seen a cheerleader team in India of Indian people? I was reading an article on the internet on IPL and came across a photo album posted by the writer. Young beautiful girls in skimpy cloths doing all sorts of acrobatics, cheering the crowds. Can you imagine, for a moment, Indian girls doing this? Why not?

Because …

Exposing your body is act of shame. You should always be dignified. Only ‘cheap’ girls / women wear ‘cheap’ cloths. Ouch! Am I sounding a typical middle aged pervert here? Who cares. The fact is I don’t see Indian women, wearing bikinis at the beach. Well in that matter anywhere. What are they ashamed of? Themselves? Their own body?

Let me make a point very clear. I am not one of those half baked post-modern person. It really does not matter if one wears bikinis or not. However what I find interesting is the reason behind it. I do not buy the cultural aspect. Excuse me… see those sculptures at many of archaeological / historic sites. Women are depicted in most exotic ‘revealing’ dresses. Now that is a proof of our culture, which we have big time adulterated. I am a firm believer of ‘dignity’ and maintaining one. I have my own views on how people dress and present themselves. However I am not judgemental.

The point I am trying to make here is, under the strong conditioning by the system, we have lost our identity. We have lost our need to be happy. We have lost ourselves. We no longer love ourselves. We no longer pride in what we are. The way we are. We want to put on the shield of ‘dignity’ and hide the truth. The beautiful truth of our being. Starting from our body first.

Forget about dressing, we don’t care for our body in many ways. Sub-consciously the resulting act is putting on cloths. To cover up. There is tremendous amount guilt feeling. There is misconception that the reality is ugly. My friends, reality is beautiful. You are real, you are the creation of the Divine and I don’t think Divine makes anything that is not beautiful. He made you. It’s a different matter that you don’t agree. Probably you can’t see and hence you don’t agree. Discard these false norms of society. Bow and respect to only one. The ‘I’ that is you. Let ‘I’ be your master. ‘I’ is the Divine in you. Say to yourself ‘I Love you’. Say it to your body ‘I Love you’. Just say ‘I Love you’ and see the shackles breaking away.

Set yourself free. Go form a cheerleaders troop. Doesn’t matter if the troop is half pretty as the ones imported. Soon the Love will change it all. India is slowly dominating the world scene. Let’s influence the world in as many good aspects as we can. Let’s win the game of Hockey for once. Let’s pass a resolution for constitutional change demanding the MP nomination should only be after passing central exams. Like IAS service.

For once let’s love ourselves. Wear bikini. Go out in company with like minded friends. Dare to live a life. Don’t be afraid of those perverts. They win when you are scared. We have let them flourish. Get rid of the fear.

Give me a Indian cheerleaders troop will you. Something original. Blending he east and the west. I know it is possible. Maintaining all the dignity, respect and charm. I have seen it elsewhere. In Thailand. Why not we too have that? Show me, show the world, show yourself that your love yourself. See what happens next. The world will love you.

Think about it. The relation between cheerleaders and Fat Indian women. Men too. If you need, search the Internet and you will find this logic applicable to all those countries where the orthodox mind set prevails. Middle east, central and Latin America, South Asia. Don’t look for glam pics. Look for picture of people. Study. Observe. Learn. So that you can implement something good for yourself in life.

My Mother was fat too. I loved her dearly. It is not about being fat or not. It is all about whether you love yourself or not. My Mother loved herself a lot and hence she could love everyone. Fat or not.

Living in Repetitive Circle

WHY DOES MAN GO ON LIVING IN THE SAME REPETITIVE CIRCLE, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND LIFE AFTER LIFE?

It is simple. Because you don’t really live. That’s why you want to repeat. If you really live, there will be no need to repeat. If you have loved, and known what love is, there will be no need to repeat; you will be finished with it. Whenever something has been known totally, you are finished with it. When something remains unknown, you hanker. Natural it is, you go on desiring. You have not loved in this life, you will desire another life. You have not loved THIS woman, you will desire another woman. You have not loved THIS man, you will desire another man, in some other world, in some other planet.

You have not been able to see and recognize and realize who you are in THIS life you will hanker for another. The incomplete hankers to be completed, that’s why.

And then you can understand my standpoint. That’s why I say: Live totally! Live utterly! Whatsoever you want to do, do it! Don’t avoid and don’t repress, otherwise you will have to come again. And come again, and come again.

– OSHO

THIS VERY BODY THE BUDDHA

CHAPTER # 2 : THE LAST ALLELUIA

Read the rest of this entry »

Reality vs. Perception

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

What Love really Means

Wisdom: cometh by age?

Solving Problem

The Psychology Of Condemnation

Interesting read

Changes On this site

Fat Indian Women

Living in Repetitive Circle

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